In a relationship, whether platonic or intimate there is a part of us that expects a sort of perfection from our partners. He or she is supposed to be that rock you can lean on in times of insecurity. You have a bad day and they’ll be there to say the right words, cook you your favourite meal or even ease the tension with mind blowing sex…. But what happens when all that doesn’t help? Allow me share with you a lesson I was taught yesterday…
I was having an evening of unclear moments about the future and so I started a whatsapp chat with my BF (Boyfriend of course… But yeah also Best friend). I expressed my feelings of depression and how unclear I was about work, my future and sorts. I’m not quite sure what I was expecting from a man two continents away from me, but it just felt like the best thing to do at the time. Sure that his response would be how sorry he was for not being here to comfort me… not necessarily through sex, I waited for the pity party to begin.
Conversation went thus:
Me: Getting real low right now. Missing my dad.
BF: I’m sorry sweetie, What’s going on?
Me: Freaking out about work and my future. I think its the flu getting to some nerve in my brain
BF: Well you should watch 2 videos before I say anything to you. First YouTube joseph prince, I forget the title.
Me: Prince of egypt?!
BF: Something like letting Jesus works or something. NO, Joseph Prince.
Silly Me 😛 : O! Lol! OK
He referred me to two wonderful 6 minute inspirational videos, one of which was titled “Let go and let God’s supply flow.
Fast forward through our conversation:
BF: Watch em both. I have an interview in 3 minutes so I’ll leave you with this: You haven’t made any mistakes in your life yet.
Not much of a pity party after all! 🙂
We all want someone that will understand and feel for us when we are down. We want him or her to give us that shoulder or back rub and ask what they can do to make it better or even go away, and when they are miles away, for them to tell us how things will get better as soon as they get back… “Just a little while longer babe!” They say.
Well that chat was an eye opener for me. I learned that as much as I want a man to be there for me, to be that shoulder to cry on and ear to listen to me jabber rocks about life’s woes and all, I also NEED him to be real. A real partner will listen, he or she will support you but what they won’t do is try to play superman because IT DOESN’T WORK!
You’ve ranted about how things aren’t just working out. Partner starts with some words of encouragement, a back rub, your favourite meal and finally great sex, but then what? You probably get tired, you drift off… and then when you wake up later you find yourself back at square one.
Understand that the coach talk, to the massage , to even the point where you both are knocking boots is just a fix. Empathy and petting are all necessary but what is MOST important in times of uncertainty and weakness is for a partner to make you see how they actually don’t have all the answers … They probably don’t have any!
Along with the show of empathy, encouragement and care, he/she is meant first and foremost to get you back in focus with The Big Man Himself. Only HE is able to meet you at your point of need.
You get home feeling downcast and your partner says “Baby, you have a problem, I get that and its ok. You know I love you and am here for you if you need to talk but right now what I need for you to do for me is to take sometime to talk to Jesus. I know it might not be what you want to hear, but you will thank me later. Now go pray while I make you that ___ you love so much.” Rubbing your back he or she says “I’ll be right here when you are done ok baby. I love you.” You probably get a quick but loving kiss planted on your pouting lips 😉
Well I feel that partner has played his/her true role as Superman don’t you?
My BF set a standard for me last night… He taught me that a real Superman is the kind of man or woman who will not only endeavour to support you body and soul, but will ALSO make you see how much of a superman imposter he or she really is.
The perfect partner will lovingly remind you how when in search for “Superman” you will find Him while on your knees in prayer! 🙂
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