An ode to final partings

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I loved you then, I love you still my dear Father…

 

Reminiscing now the chill that day,
Perhaps only internal,
Did winds blow outside? I forget
Gun shots  loud speak salutation to a Hearse,
Winter takes form and makes a place within the home,
Cold winds that did freeze and break the heart
Winter in my heart,
Winter to my touch as I bid farewell…

Two years ago today…

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Papa and I in the hospital, shortly before his final exit

Two years ago today due to a case of pancreatic cancer, my Pa left me and the family for where I think is THE BEST place NOT on Earth.

Below we have 2 songs that remind me of him- Why?

  1. Papa was an Eric Clapton and Peter Gabriel fan
  2. They also set me in throwback mode to when I lost him and how I felt… I’m gladly past the hurt now.

Tears in Heaven – Eric Clapton

˜˜

Peter Gabriel – I Grieve

Lyrics:

it was only one hour ago
it was all so different then
there’s nothing yet has really sunk in
it seems like it always did
this flesh and bone
is just the way that we are tied in
now there’s no-one home

i grieve for you
you leave me
it’s so hard to move on
still loving what’s gone
they say life carries on
they say life carries on and on and on and on

the news that truly shocks is the empty, empty page
while the final rattle rocks its empty, empty cage
and i can’t handle this

i grieve for you
and you leave me

let it out and move on
missing what’s gone
they say life carries on
they say life carries on and on and on

life carries on
in the people i meet
in everyone that’s out on the street
in all the dogs and cats
in the flies and rats
in the rot and the rust
in the ashes and the dust
life carries on and on and on and on
life carries on and on and on

it’s just the car that we ride in
the home we reside in
the face that we hide in
the way we are tied in
life carries on and on and on and on
life carries on and on and on

did i dream this belief?
or did i believe this dream?
now i can find relief
i grieve

Listening to these songs I am reminded that:

  • WE ALL grieve at one time or the other… its natural.
  • Death is a part of Life, so we need to be thankful for the life lived by loved ones lots.
  • The dead may be lost to this world but their memories still live on in our hearts
  •  And finally, in the end WE ALL have a date with death so lets make the best of life while we’re at it shall we 😉

Its true that Papa’s absence is felt, but so is his presence…. in the hearts and memories of those who loved him….

 STILL LOVE YOU PA!!!! 🙂

Reminder…

I smile as I see your face in my wallet…
Traces of you that had begun to fade
and as I am reminded
Sadness drapes over me-thick
curtains at the Epiphany…
” I lost you that day, most certainly”

I stare a little longer
The portal to your soul giving
life to you portrait,
Your eyes beaming back at me,
I hear your laughter- Deep,
Commanding… Gentle,
I breathe a sigh with eyes closed
and hold you in my mental.

2 years you’ve been gone, it feels like 3
Death was cruel to snatch you from me,
Each year passes bringing its distance
Your birthday last year… forgive me, I missed it 😦
But it doesn’t mean you are lost to me
Neither are you forgotten,
‘Just wish I didn’t have to depend on a picture,
I’d rather stare at you in person!

Deeply  embedded you are in my history
The foundation of my family tree…
To forget you Papa… would be to forget me.
So I’ll hold on to your pictures and be reminded
In hope that at journey’s end we’ll be reunited

Love,
Your daughter